Today i Left my Home as i am for the last time (hopefully) i got up at 5 45 having gone to bed at about 3am i really can not sleep why? well i wonder today sunday i am leaving home to travel to Brighton om monday to start the rest of my life .
As a Trans woman this is going to be the most important journey of my life the one that takes me to the Hospital were i will become the person i KNOW i have been all my life.
How do i explain this to some one who isnt a Trans person ..... well i carnt i can not find words that explain to any one who has not been through this horrid type of life it really is so difficult . Just like saying good buy to may baby daughter this morning ...... we ll i say baby shes 15 but to me shes still the 4lb baby i help in my arms 15 years ago . she understands me and is a sort of soul mate (not in a bad way ) we understand each other so well . i dont need to explain to her how i feel and that makes it hard to explain to you the reader .
I am not at all nervous of the op its self but i am S***t scaired the op coul dbe cancled does that sound daft ?
You see it was cancled last December 09 when i saw a sergeon in Leicester and one on the trans path will know who i mean .......... Hmmmmm
its taken me 9 years to get here oh and a 5 hour drive from the North of thr UK . will be here for one night and then into Hospital tommorow for mid day from then on the day is a mistery to me but i will let you know what happens .. it shouldnt be as i did get a full list of thing that happen from day to day but i missed placed it so ......... it will all be a supprise
so today we left west yourkshire about 12 30 and called on my friend and partner in Rotherham stayed an hour or so and set off on the 250 mile trip to Hampshire we called in Harpenden to see another internet friend as well had a cuppa we got to hampshire after 2 quite bad car crashes on the M1 one of them we had to do over 20 miles at an average speed of 8 MPH oh boy what a mess the car was in ,,,,
so tommorow i need to call at my friends Doctor as i have forgotne my insulin stuff i took it out of my bag put it on the bed and my daughter thinking she was helping loaded my case in to the car with out my insulin and needles got enough for today but not for the 2 to 3 weeks im to be here
so that will be the start of mondays blog
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So glad that you have finally go there after all your troubles.
ReplyDeleteI quite understand the fear of cancellation but no fear for the process which will finally make you whole. The waiting is the hardest time, time just wasted and filled with anxiety such as will it be cancelled!
Wishing you luck.
Caroline xxx
I am so looking forward to seeing you when you get back.
ReplyDelete:-)
xx