Hi
Woke up at 04:45 nurse cam in to wake me at 6 .... Was still awake . then the Fun Bit Fleet the emima oh what a funny feeling that was tryed to hold in as long as i could i managed 9 Mins then Rush to the loo OMG then quick shower.
Put on surgical gown and sat here typing this Blog waiting for the Surgeon to visit my hand is shaking a little but im not scaired at all will see you all on the other side .
Oh yea the telly in my room doesnt work too well
Monday, 12 July 2010
monday 12th july 2010
Got up today at 8 had to go to the Doctor to get some medication i left at home oh silly me
got to Brighton at about 12:30 no sooner thani got hre did i have a blood test then came lunch a plain omlet very nice too
people coming and going througout the afternoon met a lovley girl called Andi 3 rooms along the coridor had her op last thursday looking very well and so HAPPY.
had chicken mash and carortts for my last meal watched pirates of the carobean not bad huh sleep at about 11
spoke to my sisters Susan Sammi Kezz And yoyo
had 8 MSN windows open at one point wow didnt know i knem so many people ... Thanks every one for careing
tuesday to come
got to Brighton at about 12:30 no sooner thani got hre did i have a blood test then came lunch a plain omlet very nice too
people coming and going througout the afternoon met a lovley girl called Andi 3 rooms along the coridor had her op last thursday looking very well and so HAPPY.
had chicken mash and carortts for my last meal watched pirates of the carobean not bad huh sleep at about 11
spoke to my sisters Susan Sammi Kezz And yoyo
had 8 MSN windows open at one point wow didnt know i knem so many people ... Thanks every one for careing
tuesday to come
Sunday, 11 July 2010
The Start of the End ! Sunday 11th July 2010
Today i Left my Home as i am for the last time (hopefully) i got up at 5 45 having gone to bed at about 3am i really can not sleep why? well i wonder today sunday i am leaving home to travel to Brighton om monday to start the rest of my life .
As a Trans woman this is going to be the most important journey of my life the one that takes me to the Hospital were i will become the person i KNOW i have been all my life.
How do i explain this to some one who isnt a Trans person ..... well i carnt i can not find words that explain to any one who has not been through this horrid type of life it really is so difficult . Just like saying good buy to may baby daughter this morning ...... we ll i say baby shes 15 but to me shes still the 4lb baby i help in my arms 15 years ago . she understands me and is a sort of soul mate (not in a bad way ) we understand each other so well . i dont need to explain to her how i feel and that makes it hard to explain to you the reader .
I am not at all nervous of the op its self but i am S***t scaired the op coul dbe cancled does that sound daft ?
You see it was cancled last December 09 when i saw a sergeon in Leicester and one on the trans path will know who i mean .......... Hmmmmm
its taken me 9 years to get here oh and a 5 hour drive from the North of thr UK . will be here for one night and then into Hospital tommorow for mid day from then on the day is a mistery to me but i will let you know what happens .. it shouldnt be as i did get a full list of thing that happen from day to day but i missed placed it so ......... it will all be a supprise
so today we left west yourkshire about 12 30 and called on my friend and partner in Rotherham stayed an hour or so and set off on the 250 mile trip to Hampshire we called in Harpenden to see another internet friend as well had a cuppa we got to hampshire after 2 quite bad car crashes on the M1 one of them we had to do over 20 miles at an average speed of 8 MPH oh boy what a mess the car was in ,,,,
so tommorow i need to call at my friends Doctor as i have forgotne my insulin stuff i took it out of my bag put it on the bed and my daughter thinking she was helping loaded my case in to the car with out my insulin and needles got enough for today but not for the 2 to 3 weeks im to be here
so that will be the start of mondays blog
As a Trans woman this is going to be the most important journey of my life the one that takes me to the Hospital were i will become the person i KNOW i have been all my life.
How do i explain this to some one who isnt a Trans person ..... well i carnt i can not find words that explain to any one who has not been through this horrid type of life it really is so difficult . Just like saying good buy to may baby daughter this morning ...... we ll i say baby shes 15 but to me shes still the 4lb baby i help in my arms 15 years ago . she understands me and is a sort of soul mate (not in a bad way ) we understand each other so well . i dont need to explain to her how i feel and that makes it hard to explain to you the reader .
I am not at all nervous of the op its self but i am S***t scaired the op coul dbe cancled does that sound daft ?
You see it was cancled last December 09 when i saw a sergeon in Leicester and one on the trans path will know who i mean .......... Hmmmmm
its taken me 9 years to get here oh and a 5 hour drive from the North of thr UK . will be here for one night and then into Hospital tommorow for mid day from then on the day is a mistery to me but i will let you know what happens .. it shouldnt be as i did get a full list of thing that happen from day to day but i missed placed it so ......... it will all be a supprise
so today we left west yourkshire about 12 30 and called on my friend and partner in Rotherham stayed an hour or so and set off on the 250 mile trip to Hampshire we called in Harpenden to see another internet friend as well had a cuppa we got to hampshire after 2 quite bad car crashes on the M1 one of them we had to do over 20 miles at an average speed of 8 MPH oh boy what a mess the car was in ,,,,
so tommorow i need to call at my friends Doctor as i have forgotne my insulin stuff i took it out of my bag put it on the bed and my daughter thinking she was helping loaded my case in to the car with out my insulin and needles got enough for today but not for the 2 to 3 weeks im to be here
so that will be the start of mondays blog
Friday, 2 April 2010
Bit of uptodate news
Well i have sacked Mr Terry as my sergon of choice, Having had my srs op cancled twice i have done loads of work to get the sergon changed .
I went to the Gender clinic and asked if it would be poss to go and see a different one they did think it was going to be posiable to do so .... well they umd and arrrd saying it would probably take mths to get it sorted out so the following monday i decided to find out for myself .
I rang the PCT and spoke to a really nice lady who said she would look into it for me,She rang me back the following day saying she was looking at the files and would ring me on friday , She didnt ring on the friday so i left a message for her and got a call the following monday saying" The gender clinic will be ringing you today with some good news" i tryed to get her to tell me but No ....
I rang the clinic to see if i could get to know what the News was ... but my Nurse was in with a client ,,,,, oh dear i was then in the Laser clinic for my face zaped ,, when my phone went the clinic ,,, the news was that my funding would cover me to go to a different surgon ,,,,,,,,,,, YES and this time it will be in a private Hospital in Brighton with Mr Thomas ,,, what a result so when some tells you it will take Mths have a go your self it might be worth it ..... so i now have an appointment with Mr Thomas in Brighton on the 13th of April at 19:15 will let you know the result as soon as i can .
I went to the Gender clinic and asked if it would be poss to go and see a different one they did think it was going to be posiable to do so .... well they umd and arrrd saying it would probably take mths to get it sorted out so the following monday i decided to find out for myself .
I rang the PCT and spoke to a really nice lady who said she would look into it for me,She rang me back the following day saying she was looking at the files and would ring me on friday , She didnt ring on the friday so i left a message for her and got a call the following monday saying" The gender clinic will be ringing you today with some good news" i tryed to get her to tell me but No ....
I rang the clinic to see if i could get to know what the News was ... but my Nurse was in with a client ,,,,, oh dear i was then in the Laser clinic for my face zaped ,, when my phone went the clinic ,,, the news was that my funding would cover me to go to a different surgon ,,,,,,,,,,, YES and this time it will be in a private Hospital in Brighton with Mr Thomas ,,, what a result so when some tells you it will take Mths have a go your self it might be worth it ..... so i now have an appointment with Mr Thomas in Brighton on the 13th of April at 19:15 will let you know the result as soon as i can .
Monday, 25 January 2010
part 5
At about the age of 12 to 13 my mum left my dad and we had snow you may be asking what snow has to do with any thing with me and my odd life well my dad use to work shifts and had gone to work one day to find it snowed which were he worked ment he was snowed in and couldnt get home so there was me and my brother all alone this was to be a fab week for me as we also got the time off school we did have a ladt across the road who fed us and looked after us we went over the road for meals etc but slept at home
so i could wear what ever i liked and did i wore my night dress all week well it seamed like a week was more like 4 days it was probabley one of the best weeks of my life so far also i could dress during the day as most of the day my brother would be out in the ever deepening snow it was a sad day when they managed to get the snow blower up to the T.V Station were he worked
And Oh my did he smell when he came back im sure they had showers up there i know they had a Nucular fall out bunker ive been in it .... some might say i should have stayed in there
so i could wear what ever i liked and did i wore my night dress all week well it seamed like a week was more like 4 days it was probabley one of the best weeks of my life so far also i could dress during the day as most of the day my brother would be out in the ever deepening snow it was a sad day when they managed to get the snow blower up to the T.V Station were he worked
And Oh my did he smell when he came back im sure they had showers up there i know they had a Nucular fall out bunker ive been in it .... some might say i should have stayed in there
Saturday, 2 January 2010
When i got to the third year of hi school i had my one and only "fight" a so called friend decided i needed Toughening up and decided to punch me in the face on the was home, I just stood and cryed ... well girls do ... a friend will call him Tim asked what was wrong after telling him he ran up to the agresser and punched him squire on the chin this helped me but not for long the following few days were hell. All i had was threats and such like untill one day in a wood work class after so many " im going to get you after school " and such i fliped i grabed him by the neck and pushed his head down the back of one of the old school radiators " I told him to just leave me alone "
He tryed to get up a few times and by the time i did let him up he had some really nice red markes were the radiator was next to him he walked away and at the end of the lesson came eup to me saying " I really dont know why you pretend to be so soft you could beat any one in this school and be the cock of the school" to which i replyed "That is the whole point i dont wont to i just wont to get through this horrid time of my life and get out the other end un hurt " i had no other problems with him again in fack t we became good friends again .
It was this year i found out what a Transexuall is and that in fact i was one of this small band of special people the B.B.C Did a documentry on this subject a guy called George who they filmed on his jurney to becoming Julia Grant i watched this program every week as soon as i sarted watching it i knew just what i had been suffering from and Oh my did it panic me " I will have to go through all this crap this poor woman is going through "
One episode i remember vividly was one were george went into a dress shop and was looking round when the assistant asked if she could help him " yes i would like to try this dress on please " then went on to explain why he wonted to try it on the shop owner was so helpfull giving help and advice .
I was doing Social Studys in school and the topic of conversation was all about this program the girls in the class were so in ore of George for asking for a dress they seamed to be saying they would love to know someone like this and there i was sat there thinking should i tell them i felt the same as George ,,,,,,, NO WAY i think i would have just had the pee taken out of me i knew them too well.
One othr episode that reall shook me up was one were Julia had to visit her Phyciatrist
when Julia turned up at the appointment in Trousers of all things well he hit the roof as i think he thought all women and trans women even more so should wear dresses or skirts all the time
wow was this bloke a total asre i just thought i hope i never meet any one like him if i go through all this to be myself .
Julia then paid for Breat Augmentation to which her Phyciatrist told her he would no longer treat her as she dare to go over his head and have work done that he didnt agree with .
i felt this program was my life in years to come .
He tryed to get up a few times and by the time i did let him up he had some really nice red markes were the radiator was next to him he walked away and at the end of the lesson came eup to me saying " I really dont know why you pretend to be so soft you could beat any one in this school and be the cock of the school" to which i replyed "That is the whole point i dont wont to i just wont to get through this horrid time of my life and get out the other end un hurt " i had no other problems with him again in fack t we became good friends again .
It was this year i found out what a Transexuall is and that in fact i was one of this small band of special people the B.B.C Did a documentry on this subject a guy called George who they filmed on his jurney to becoming Julia Grant i watched this program every week as soon as i sarted watching it i knew just what i had been suffering from and Oh my did it panic me " I will have to go through all this crap this poor woman is going through "
One episode i remember vividly was one were george went into a dress shop and was looking round when the assistant asked if she could help him " yes i would like to try this dress on please " then went on to explain why he wonted to try it on the shop owner was so helpfull giving help and advice .
I was doing Social Studys in school and the topic of conversation was all about this program the girls in the class were so in ore of George for asking for a dress they seamed to be saying they would love to know someone like this and there i was sat there thinking should i tell them i felt the same as George ,,,,,,, NO WAY i think i would have just had the pee taken out of me i knew them too well.
One othr episode that reall shook me up was one were Julia had to visit her Phyciatrist
when Julia turned up at the appointment in Trousers of all things well he hit the roof as i think he thought all women and trans women even more so should wear dresses or skirts all the time
wow was this bloke a total asre i just thought i hope i never meet any one like him if i go through all this to be myself .
Julia then paid for Breat Augmentation to which her Phyciatrist told her he would no longer treat her as she dare to go over his head and have work done that he didnt agree with .
i felt this program was my life in years to come .
Friday, 1 January 2010
I started high school in 1976 September from day one i hated it i felt as though i was just wrong i did all the wrong classes like i did wood work and metal work when i felt i should be in cookery or needle work why was i made to do these things i was not meant to do, Then there was Hell on Earth, P.E who invented this touchier as i felt like a girl in side myself why was i being made to undress and change then at the end of the session SHOWER naked with BOYS.
I Just hated school for the first year the second one wasn't as bad as i was allowed to go home for lunch this gave some relief from the Hell that was school . were boys were always fighting to see who could be the "cock " of the school or in other words who was the most Violante.
At home for the 45 minuets i had for my lunch once i had used 10 minuets to get home I first put on my soup to cook (well heat up ) i would shut all the curtains down stairs i could then get changed sort of i would wear a skirt as i didn't have a full female wardrobe as i would have liked,
some times i would keep on an under slip or under skirt to go back to school as i really did not wont to change back . so soup eaten and telly watched the addverts in the middle of " Take the High Road" would play so its time to return to hiding in a male clothes again, some times I would miss judge the time this would be the time my school friend Mark would call for me to walk back to school Oh heck did he see me run up stairs to change out of my skirt ?
well he never said any thing for the whole five years i knew him he was either oblivious to my true self or just a good friend ? who knows as i lost touch with him when we left school only seeing each other once or twice in the few years folowing high school .
I return to the P.E Lessons for a short tale i remember one P.E Lesson were a boy lets call him Peter ((not his real name) all other names have been changed ) he came in to the changing room and told Mr Smith the teacher " Sir I have forgotten my kit " "Well just wait here a moment " and he left the room the towel wiping then started on his return Mr Smith Produced a replacement PE Kit for Peter ' A Gym Skirt and Top ' from the girls gym teacher I really really wanted to be in His shoes right now , I dreampted about this situation but with me in peters place for many years .
At the end of my second year at high school my mum and dad separated we then had six weeks of snow as though the world was telling them to stay apart . It was a good time for me in one way as my mum could not take all her clothes with her in a case so i had things to wear for a short time before they were moved to were my mum lived with her mum n dad , i did keep a dress a green one with a pleated skirt i kept that dress for a good few years .
By this time i had built up quite a wardrobe of things some bought some acquired one of our neighbours must have seen me dressed at some point as she offerd to wash my "wardrobe" if i needed help in that area . i never didi take her up on this offer as i would put my clothes in the washer whae i knew my dad was at work late or on nights. this worked very well untill he got a new woman .
I Just hated school for the first year the second one wasn't as bad as i was allowed to go home for lunch this gave some relief from the Hell that was school . were boys were always fighting to see who could be the "cock " of the school or in other words who was the most Violante.
At home for the 45 minuets i had for my lunch once i had used 10 minuets to get home I first put on my soup to cook (well heat up ) i would shut all the curtains down stairs i could then get changed sort of i would wear a skirt as i didn't have a full female wardrobe as i would have liked,
some times i would keep on an under slip or under skirt to go back to school as i really did not wont to change back . so soup eaten and telly watched the addverts in the middle of " Take the High Road" would play so its time to return to hiding in a male clothes again, some times I would miss judge the time this would be the time my school friend Mark would call for me to walk back to school Oh heck did he see me run up stairs to change out of my skirt ?
well he never said any thing for the whole five years i knew him he was either oblivious to my true self or just a good friend ? who knows as i lost touch with him when we left school only seeing each other once or twice in the few years folowing high school .
I return to the P.E Lessons for a short tale i remember one P.E Lesson were a boy lets call him Peter ((not his real name) all other names have been changed ) he came in to the changing room and told Mr Smith the teacher " Sir I have forgotten my kit " "Well just wait here a moment " and he left the room the towel wiping then started on his return Mr Smith Produced a replacement PE Kit for Peter ' A Gym Skirt and Top ' from the girls gym teacher I really really wanted to be in His shoes right now , I dreampted about this situation but with me in peters place for many years .
At the end of my second year at high school my mum and dad separated we then had six weeks of snow as though the world was telling them to stay apart . It was a good time for me in one way as my mum could not take all her clothes with her in a case so i had things to wear for a short time before they were moved to were my mum lived with her mum n dad , i did keep a dress a green one with a pleated skirt i kept that dress for a good few years .
By this time i had built up quite a wardrobe of things some bought some acquired one of our neighbours must have seen me dressed at some point as she offerd to wash my "wardrobe" if i needed help in that area . i never didi take her up on this offer as i would put my clothes in the washer whae i knew my dad was at work late or on nights. this worked very well untill he got a new woman .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
